It's a New Season
If you consider yourself a “realist” you might be jaded at the idea of setting goals, resolutions, or expectations for the new quarter. But truth is, having no expectations for the future is an UNREALISTIC way towards making a successful you. You might ask, “what’s the point if I tried changing but failed at it before?”
B.F. Skinner once said, “A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.”
So let’s do away with the defeatist attitude and go in this new quarter with a winner’s mentality. Before anything, congratulations to finishing your first quarter! If you did well, then take credit for what your hard work reaped. Continue to work hard, but don’t settle. You’re off to a great start, but keep seeking to improve! If you didn’t do as well as you had hoped last quarter– Cut yourself some slack, because it was really a learning experience. You know what to expect now. Or maybe a lot of unexpected things happened with the family, with you. The trick is to keep going. Your circumstances don’t determine your future, but the way you navigate towards your future.
After my fall quarter of freshman year, I wasn’t too impressed with how I did. I felt I could’ve done better. Winter quarter, I was motivated to take on more units and perform better. And I did! Here are some tips that helped me make “New Quarter, New You” a reality.
1. Reflect on why your grades turned out the way they did.
For me, I didn’t do so well, because I hated what I was studying. I came into UCI thinking I wanted to become a doctor. However, when I took Bio 93 and Chem 1A I felt a lot of stress not because of the workload but about the content in general. I realized how much I hated it when I walked by the lab rooms. I felt a part of me sink, and I thought to myself “I really don’t want this.”
For the following quarter, I dropped my science load and took on more humanities courses. I performed better, because I enjoyed what I was learning. I developed dreams about what I could do with my major. I removed FEAR (shaming parents, not making tons of money, other people’s perspective) as the motivating force of my studies and replaced it with HOPE (valuing what I am studying/potentially doing, taking responsibility for my dreams).
A friend once told me, “You can’t do your best work when you’re stressed.”
Now I experience stress as a pressure to put in my focus and efforts into curating an assignment I am proud of. This is drastically different from the past. Back then, I would experience stress as a debilitating weight, dissolving my ability to think clearly, keep focused, and be productive. Discern the kind of stress that makes or breaks you. That could mean all the difference in itself!
If you find yourself in a similar situation I found myself in with my major, consider taking the leap of faith: Do something about it. This can be easier said than done, depending on the degree of your family pressures. But if you can find a middle ground, like minoring in what your family wants you to do and majoring in what you want to do, do it.
Ultimately, your parents/guardians will not be the ones who will be held accountable for your life. You will be. There’s a story about a man who finished med school and handed his diploma to his parents with a pithy, “this is what you wanted.” He pursued something else he desired not long after. This story is pretty butchered, but it’s the definition of extreme pettiness. What kind of a parent would feel accomplished after an experience like that? And what kind of a statement does that really make? Make decisions you won’t resent your parents/guardians for, but respect them as people who loved and cared for you the most in this world. Please heed their concerns. For some of us who were raised by our current caregivers, our life straight up depended on them at one point. For some of us, our caregivers went through hell and back to give us the life we have today. Forgive them if they push you into the wrong direction. But know there’s no one on earth who can make decisions that resonate with your heart as well as you can.
Go with your gut, but do your research. Browse what the web says and listen to people in the field. Talk to your professors and people in that major to see what insiders have to say. Ask questions and don’t be apologetic! People are more inclined to help than you think.
2. Respect the New You.
A lot of times we fail to change because we don’t take ourselves seriously. If you don’t respect yourself and your limits, chances are that others won’t either. If you’re determined to change your study habits, time prioritization, and attitude about school overall, realize that it will affect other parts of your life and the people involved in different spheres of your life as well.
For me, I had to stop being a “yes woman” when it came to hanging out with people. I hated disappointing people but I realized how much I hated skipping showers and meals cramming for exams more.
Practice a sense of authority over your life, by learning to say NO when you’re compromising the time you should be devoting to your studies. Allow yourself some fun, but don’t let it come to a place where it’s overstepping its boundaries to other priorities. It’s about balancing fun and work, yeah, but if you’re struggling to find that balance, don’t let someone else determine those limits for you.
If you faced the opposite problem, I don’t necessarily suggest you take the opposite approach I took in toning down my social engagements. Go at it with baby steps. My pastor once told us that if we don’t face rejection from time to time, we aren’t developing a healthy inner life. What he meant by that was, don’t be afraid to initiate hangouts or join in on club meetings or talk to people first because of their potential rejection. If people decline your invite, be affirmed that you’re only maturing yourself by not letting that one or many “no’s” discourage you. Eventually, the fear of rejection or people will not become the problem that it might be right now if it’s preventing you from branching out. You can become more social if that’s your goal, but it doesn’t have to look like someone else’s social life.
3. Keep yourself accountable.
Tell at least one or two of your friends your goals. It’s so much easier to break your goals when you’re the only one who knows you didn’t follow through. It’s also easier to give up on your goals when you don’t establish and acknowledge your support system. I have friends who keep me in check about certain goals I keep for myself. For instance, I made a goal to read my Bible every morning. I told my friends so that I wouldn’t have an excuse to say that it wasn’t an official resolution. My friends ask me from time to time how it goes and it honestly helps because they either encourage me when I fail to be consistent or encourage me when I am on track. Friends are truly a gift.
I like to keep motivational stuff around me to keep me in check. For instance, on my wall I have a post it note that says, “NO MORE.”
I personally struggled with asserting limits. Whether it be with wasting my time on the internet or spending way too much time with people, I needed to assert my boundaries. That meant starting to say NO MORE to my people-pleasing tendency and NO MORE to prolonged breaks. Another visual that creates a slap-on-the-face wake up call is my lock screen:
This reminds me to bring in the NEW attitude, NEW work ethic, and NEW character traits, because this is a new season. I get myself a wave of energy when I am reminded about the faith and power that backs me up from God, Family, and Friends. These supports are available to you too. It’s really about opening up yourself to receiving and seeing the support that’s always been there for you.
Maybe you don’t feel like you have a lot of support. Friend, I urge you to make head knowledge into heart knowledge. Maybe you heard that the mentors are here to help you. That’s head knowledge. But actually receiving their invitation as a genuine, willing offer is a way you’re imparting such affirmation into your heart.
Remember that you are more blessed than you are cursed. Consider all the barriers you crossed and the odds you conquered just attending UCI, even making it through this past quarter. You’re on your way to testify that “success is about the work you put in.” And I am so, so proud of you, because even though it’s hard, you’re still here with a pulse beating with so much potential.
This is your LAST quarter as a mentee… -sob- I encourage you to go into this new quarter with the hopes of leaving an impression, like a “this is what I am leaving as an AMP mentee.” Small or large, that impression is up for you to decide. An example could be to hang out with the people you didn’t really get to know last quarter. Another would be to contribute to discussions more than you did last quarter.
With love and support,
Reina
About the author:
Reina is a second year studying English and Education. She loves breads of all sorts, coffee drinks ranging from black to beige, and dark chocolate. She hopes to become involved in the academia down the line, probably as an education professor so be sure to keep an eye out for what she publishes down the line She’s pretty introverted, but that doesn’t stop her from dancing in public… just ‘cos. Ask her about her faith, church, or anything spiritual if you’re ever curious or in need of divine help, or talk to her just to talk! She would love to meet with you. If you have music you’d like to share, send ‘em her way! She’s into Christian and indie and is currently obsessed with bands like Bethel and The Paper Kites. Currently, Reina is trying to learn how to play barre chords on the guitar so if you have any guitar tips, also let her know… because she is struggling.
